In This Together by Nancy D O'Reilly

Author:Nancy D O'Reilly
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Adams Media

STOP MEANNESS AT WORK

To stop mean women and their bullying, look for ways to support the person but extinguish the annoying behaviors. I believe the best way to end everything from catfights to downright abusive behaviors at work is with a loving, supportive community of women. As mentioned in Chapter 5, some women are so addicted to drama or chaos that they constantly create it. Experts working in recovery tell us that the opposite of addiction is community, which means our connections with others can heal us and offer the best chance of eliminating drama. At work your focus needs to be on maintaining your work performance, so it’s best not to allow your emotions to overwhelm your adult common sense.

To keep your focus think deeply and reconnect with your professional ideals. What did you hope to accomplish when you came to this job? Did you want to learn new skills, demonstrate competence, and advance your career? Focus on those goals, because reacting to a mean coworker will only sidetrack you. You do not have to react to her actions.

You can avoid escalating the drama if you don’t join the crowd or retaliate. Staying on the high road saves you energy and makes you a better role model for your work group. “There is a need for professionalism, which means not leaving people out, talking behind their backs, or calling them out publicly for things that aren’t directly related to work,” wrote Emily Blake in Filler. That also means not making the “offhand remark about how many calories are in their sandwich or how you didn’t realize they were still making chinos with pleats. When it comes to the personal, remind yourself [that] it is none of your business if it’s not about business.”

One classic manipulative strategy is, Let’s you and her fight, in which a manipulator instigates conflict between two other people. Falling for this tactic robs us of energy for building productive relationships. If we get sidetracked into attacking another woman, we’re much less likely to organize and fight for equality for all.

If we get sidetracked into attacking another woman, we’re much less likely to organize and fight for equality for all.

Women are great at making connections when we put aside judgment and criticisms, like what she wore, what she said, what did she mean, who does she think she is? All of those topics increase separation and division. It’s much more productive to focus on what we share in common—our experiences, hopes, and dreams—and how we can help each other. We certainly don’t need to agree with everything someone says or does, but it is good to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Accept That Some People Won’t Like You

When working to strengthen community, it’s best to notice and set aside unrealistic expectations about the workplace. Good managers know that not everyone is going to like them, and they must get used to feeling uncomfortable. It is also unrealistic to expect to like and enjoy working with everyone in your department.

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